Memories of the New Hutterite Bruderhof 1920, 1961 and 
1993
by Herbert Sorgius 
 
translated 
by Grace Pfeiffer,  edited by KIT staff
Dear Hilarion: This will be very difficult. When I try 
to describe the history of the Bruderhof I will do it in 
writing because I want to be able to re-read and, if 
necessary, correct it. I would have some difficulty with a 
cassette recording. I will use proper names. I've never 
acquired Torches Rekindled because it is probably filled 
to the brim with distortions, if not lies. Also in Gegen den 
Strom - Torches Together, by Emmy Arnold, Plough 
Publishing House, there are imprecise accounts, although 
Emmy Arnold, if indeed she herself wrote that book, 
must have carried her notes around the world as an 
archive. For instance, the misinterpretation of Cyril's 
dietary plans for Heini, later to be cited by Milton 
Zimmerman, continued from Paraguay to Woodcrest. 
(You will know from your father that most of the 
Primavera library was abandoned to rot or left to the 
Mennonites.)
I will try to recap chronologically, but many things, 
like the "Lotte Henze" story, I only learned later. And so 
in God's name to work! 
My arrival on the Rohn Bruderhof in November, 
1932, was delayed for a few weeks because my mother 
was ill and I had to take care of the family. It was 
delayed further because I wanted to celebrate the 1st of 
Advent with my YMCA friends. But as I only knew of the 
Neuhof (New hof) and was told "The postmaster in 
Neuhof can give you information," I was delayed until 
the evening, when I took the bus to Oberkalbach. There 
Ernst Rottmann met me with a romantic candle lantern. 
Ernst was a theologian, a mulatto, who had studied 
in Tubingen and was chased off the 'hof in 1933, of 
course "with reasonable excuses." Why? Because before a 
visit with his brother he had gone to the barber and had 
his beard shaved off! "Trash!" was Eberhard's verdict! 
Most certainly he was exterminated [by the Nazis] 
"outside." During this time, the "habit of NOT approaching 
the Brotherhood for their true agreement" was formed. 
So! Ernst R. brought me to the 'hof. I waited in the dining 
room, until after the brotherhood meeting. Alfred 
Gneiting came and asked, "Do you remember me?" He 
had been friends with my brother since the 1920s! The 
next days and weeks of Advent with all the songs, not 
only about the Christ Child, but of the expectation of the 
Prince of Peace and the preparation of a nativity play, 
created a strong atmosphere of expectation. So at 
Christmas I asked to be accepted into the novitiate, (and 
thus influenced Annemarie Hilbeit {Zimmermann}).
In 1933, during another big outbreak of flu, Adolf 
Braun asked if I would help in the kitchen and laundry 
(I had come to work in my profession as a bookbinder.) 
That I would agree was a foregone conclusion, but when 
people noticed that I could cook, I stayed in that job for 
about six months. Of course I noticed that every day 
there was meat and real coffee made from beans 
prepared for Eberhard "because he was ill." This didn't 
make it easier for me to serve watery soup with a bit of 
rice, vegetables or potato every day to the hardworking 
people. So my "problems" soon started in spite of the 
explanations. 
Years later it turned out that the only illness from 
which the well-fed spokesman was suffering was a 
detached retina which, to my mind, would have been 
helped more by a strict diet and stopping his cigar-
smoking. I know that [his special diet] caused problems 
for a number of members, to which the reply was, "That 
is just jealousy." This problem [now known as 
"comparing" and considered a sin - ed] reappeared 
during subsequent years, but the reasons given were 
"It's a Hutterite Order" and "The double honor of the 
Servants" as mentioned in the Letter to the Ephesians. 
This custom was done away with in England or 
Paraguay. 
When I arrived, there were few smokers. 
Nevertheless it was a hotly discussed issue, especially 
because Eberhard had "promised the Hutterites" to put 
an end to it. During the 1937 visit from David Hofer and 
Michael Waldner, it was a main point of contention, as 
also during the visit of Wipf Vetter and company. I 
remember Eberhard saying in 1933, "Whoever believes 
he cannot give up [smoking], come talk to me." But 
Eberhard always smoked the most expensive cigars (L. 
Ragaz at a meeting in a Zurich cafe said that they were 
the most expensive). Even then they cost DM 2 each! 
Later on, the Steward had to give out the smokes (Alfred 
G.). But when women joined the community, they had to 
give up smoking. As far as I heard, smoking only was 
abandoned later in the USA after several people died of 
lung cancer. In Paraguay it caused me great problems 
while serving as Steward because big cuts always had to 
be made in the purchases of food. But if we ran out of 
smokes, riders were sent out into the neighborhood by 
the housekeeper. By the way, it was the same with ca–a 
[the local liquor]. 
The advice from Arnold Mason was, "If you have 
only one onion, take it as 'a royal gift' to the sisters in 
the kitchen." But if I wanted to order chocolate or a 
similar treat for the non-smokers, the money was never 
available, or at least only once or twice in all those years. 
Several youngsters told me that they started smoking 
because there never were any alternative treats 
available.
On January 30, 1933, I phoned home for my savings 
book. While waiting for the connection, the operator said, 
"Just now the radio broadcast the news: Hindenburg has 
proclaimed Hitler to Reichschancelor!" Eberhard 
immediately called everyone together to prepare us for 
the coming persecution. 
During 1933, visitors still kept coming, but few 
stayed. Also, a few members abandoned the sinking 
ship. I cannot remember when exactly the first visit of 
the SA, later the Gestapo, took place. But at irregular 
intervals, the State showed that they had not forgotten 
us. They closed the Children's Home, prohibited the sale 
of our books and products, and also the visits of guests. 
So everything was put into motion to secure a safe place 
for the community, hopefully in Switzerland. I think it 
was Adolf Braun who communicated with Anna Schmid 
in Trogen, who was willing to let us have her place on a 
temporary basis. Julia Lerchi planned to join us, and 
gave her savings book to Eberhard from her hospital 
bed. So it became possible to rent the Kurhaus in Silum 
in Liechtenstein, which was vacant at that time. 
Some of the children were taken to Trogen. Other 
children, who still did not have papers, were taken by 
Susi Gravenhorst (Fros-Meier) and Hannes Boller via 
Tubingen to Switzerland. In Tubingen, my parents had 
rented the Youth Hostel for the other children. Rudi still 
had to get his papers from his guardian in Nurnberg, and 
arrived in the late evening by train where my brother 
picked him up. As Rudi told me many years later when I 
visited the Michaelshof, he stayed the night at my 
parents' house because the gate to the castle (the Youth 
Hostel) was already closed. Lotte Magee told me that 
they had to lift parts of the heavy gate in order to slip 
through. 
My parents took care of all the children, but when 
my mother visited me in March, 1934, on the 
Rohnbruderhof, she had to leave after three days 
because of kidney pains caused by the cold wind. Hans 
Meier refused to let us have the carriage to travel the 12 
kilometers to the station at Sterbefritz. He had promised 
it to Monika and her friend for a ride. Because of the 
heavy bumps, my mother declined the use of the supply 
wagon, so I accompanied her on foot. 
In 1933 Hitler called for a vote [to abrogate the 
Versailles Treaty]. Eberhard was of the opinion that we 
should participate so as not to incur unnecessary 
difficulties. We should give witness on the ballot that we 
acknowledged the worldly government, but we felt 
ourselves called to follow Christ and his commandment 
of love. The text proposed by Eberhard was discussed 
passionately in the brotherhood because it contained the 
more-than-questionable clause, that we acknowledge 
this task of our beloved leader Adolf Hitler and of the 
Reichspresident von Hindenberg as given by God. 
The beloved leader part did not go down well with 
everybody. But Eberhard asked us if we really loved all 
people, to which we had to answer "Yes!" Then Eberhard 
said: "If we love all people, then Adolf Hitler is included." 
So we had to write our beloved leader. We all pasted our 
beloved leader onto our ballots, which then appeared 
[transformed] the next day as "YES" votes. 
This is an example of the leadership technique of 
Eberhard, but it was regarded as a betrayal of Christ by 
many of our friends, especially Leon Ragaz, and 
remained as a heavy lump in the stomachs of many of 
us. The dissolution of the brotherhood shortly before 
Eberhard's stay in hospital [where he never awoke from 
the anesthesia] was a similarly horrible example of total 
"control." Each day the dissolution of the community by 
the Gestapo could have occurred, and everyone been 
carted off to concentration camps. Would anybody, after 
all the hardships, have found the strength to resist, as, 
for example, the Jehovah's Witnesses? 
Another catastrophe occurred when Eberhard 
Arnold's coffin arrived in Waldecke and the brotherhood 
was sent away. Yes, during the night some of the loyals, 
on orders from above, yelled, "Murderers! Murderers!" 
into the bedrooms. Bruce Sumner, who (as a guest) was 
holding the death watch with the baby, Daniel Kaiser 
(who had been born dead), never has forgotten this 
horrible experience. Today, Jonestown, Waco and similar 
communities are a confirmation of what "total loyalty" 
achieves.
But back to 1934/1935: Eberhard and Emmy 
traveled a lot between the 'hofs. Strangely, there always 
was something "happening," something to be cleared up 
on one 'hof or another. Today one sometimes asks 
whether these "problems" were not made up in order to 
keep people in check? Was it not the beginning of a 
crisis when someone started to think independently, and 
then it was interpreted as though he or she were "not 
standing right?" Eberhard and his successors hated the 
word "democracy" like poison, I would have to say even 
more than the word "evil." Occasionally the question 
came up why the leading-astray of a community was not 
punished as strongly as the sexual sins of certain people 
-- and I use the word "certain" deliberately. 
In March, 1935, General Conscription was introduced 
in Germany and we, the young men, had to flee, mostly 
on old bicycles. Some went by rail. Leo Dreher and I 
were supposed to go via Konstanz to Switzerland. I felt 
very uncomfortable at this decision, because I suspected 
that my oldest brother still worked at the Customs office 
in Konstanz. In Karlsruhe we stayed the night with an 
uncle of Leo's. He gave us some money for travel and we 
sent the bikes back by train. We only could take the 
night train to Konstanz and more or less stayed hidden 
until the time the first train was due to depart. 
We arrived at the station with time to spare, and a 
Swiss Customs officer gave us friendly advice as to the 
ticket price (DM 10 only!) and then said, "But I can't let 
you board the train before my German colleague 
arrives." You can understand how uncomfortable I felt! 
But when the train was due to depart, the German 
colleague had overslept and the Swiss quickly waved us 
aboard! So we had been held up in Karlsruhe only to 
experience a miracle! On the Almbruderhof, a lot of work 
awaited us: Housekeeping, Kleine Sendung (sales trips), 
hay harvest. The hay had to be carried in great bundles 
on one's head up the steep slopes. When my father 
visited me there, he said, "If you have to work this hard, 
you will never be 30 years old!" (In a few days I will be 
81!)
After the first group born in 1915 had left for 
England, I was elected Steward and was supposed to 
work an additional six hours daily at bookbinding. Of 
course that was only possible by working at night. Our 
beds were in the hay shed, and the bookbinding shop 
was located where everybody else lived, so the others 
often were disturbed during the night. Being of Alsace 
origin, I would have had to join the armies of both 
Germany AND France, and so had to fly to England on 
Nov 22, 1936 (the baptism day of Bruce Sumner and 
Balz Trumpi.) Erich Hasenberg accompanied me to the 
bus for Triesenberg. In those days the aeroplanes only 
had seats for 12-15 passengers. While over the Channel, 
I wondered why we were flying so low over the water. 
Instead of Croydon airport where Herman Arnold was to 
meet me, we landed near Dover. Herman was doing an 
apprenticeship in book sales and publishing, and was 
bringing my visa. 
On the airfield stood a big Piper Cub or similar with 
the big inscription 'Wilh. Gustloff.' When the German 
pilot saw me in possible trouble because my English 
consisted only of "Home Office," he came and stood next 
to me. But the airport employees were very helpful. 
After scrutinizing my small suitcase, they telephoned 
both the Home Office and Croydon. It took about two 
hours until it was evident that Herman had my visa with 
him elsewhere. All the other passengers probably were 
very relieved when it was decided to stop and board us 
all on a Dover-London express train. Herman and I then 
met at Victoria Station. 
Now, regarding the exorcism of evil spirits that 
Emmy Arnold wrote about in Gegen den Strom [Torches 
Together] the difficult struggles that happened in 1926 
with Lotte Henze, Eberhard also mentions this on pages 
80-82 of Schwere Zeit [Difficult Time?] In total, 15 of the 
200 pages of Gegen den Strom are devoted to Lotte. 
After a visit to Bruce in 1980, which included an 
Aussprache with Hans Meier and Arnold Mason, I took 
part in a conference of the Religious Socialists in Lerback 
(near Cologne). The speaker, Siegfried K, mentioned in a 
talk that I was much more to the "LEFT" than he, since I 
had lived for many years on the B'hof in the communism 
of the early Christians. This attracted the attention of a 
few other participants, amongst them some from the 
Laurentians (near total community of goods) who 
wanted to know more. One woman waited until most 
people had left and then asked me, "Do you know what 
happened to the daughter of Dr. Eberhard Arnold that 
was conceived during the 'exorcism of evil spirits' out of 
Lotte Henze?" - which question left me utterly 
speechless! 
Unfortunately, during the two days of the 
conference I was unable to follow up this contact with 
her. Also I was quite sure that the B'hof would not help, 
but would attack me. I was unable to identify the 
woman from among all the participants, nor was I able 
to learn more during subsequent inquiries.
During the following years I asked several ex-
members, since the name "Lotte Henze" had to be known 
to someone somewhere. Only Luise Sumner knew Lotte 
H., because she once had shared a room with her. In 
1983 Gegen den Strom was published, and I was very 
surprised at the report. On page 83, Emmy Arnold writes 
that Lotte reappeared during the Nazi time (1937?) with 
the child, but that Lotte with the child was sent away, 
although Lotte, being a Communist, was certain to end 
up in a concentration camp and almost certainly ended 
her life there. That they did not accept this child is, 
under normal circumstances, more than just surprising. 
Apparently the child grew up with [Arnold] relatives in 
Nordhausen, from whom Traindel Kleiner heard of it. 
Bette B-Zumpe asked me about this because she wanted 
to show "this aunt" something of the love denied the 
aunt by the [Arnold] family.
When a brother who had been separated from his 
family for months in 1933 or '34 succumbed to the same 
sin while on sendung in Switzerland, I remember how 
desperately he confronted the brotherhood. He was 
castigated with nine months of exclusion and in addition 
he was never to be considered for Servant of the Word 
because of the publicity. When in June, 1938, during our 
honeymoon, the voting for the Servant of the Word took 
place, A.Br. and A.N. were elected, because A.Br. was a 
loving, humble brother. But this election was not 
accepted by the "election committee," so a second 
election was held. 
During this election, the question was put, "Have you 
got anything against Heini as Servant?" Bruce was then 
"elected" second Servant and was sent with Heini as 
Servant to Oaksey. During the preparation for the 
elections, one heard, of course, several names mentioned 
and also some of Eberhard's sayings. But I always said, 
"If we apply the Hutterite formula during acceptance 
that all sin shall be sunk in the sea of forgiveness, God 
can and will create something new, then we should also 
do this." 
After my wife Else's and my return, Emmy came to 
me and said, "What do you think, Bertel, about Heini's 
election? That is the punishment of God, that nobody 
listened to the elders"! That really puzzled me, because 
Emmy was always making propaganda for Heini. But as 
was evident later, it was the "turning point" in that 
history. Emmy's word "punishment of God" was to 
become true, as was evident much later! And in a 
manner in which no one could have foreseen. 
After the Religious Socialist conference at Lerbach, 
1980, I looked back and felt more and more astonished 
at how Eberhard Arnold allowed himself to be given the 
title of "spokesman." When Lotte reappeared in 1937 
with the child, all the Arnold woman wept, as was 
revealed to me by a dependable source. Apparently in 
order to divert the scandal from the family, Lotte was 
sent away with the child. Also it was not made known in 
the Brotherhood. Yet think of how children, especially 
later in Paraguay, were punished when they wanted to 
know the difference between boys and girls! With up to 
two years of exclusion, partly on other 'hofs away 
from their families and without going to school!  For 
many of these children, now grown-ups, KIT has been a 
mouthpiece. Hopefully many will relieve and free 
themselves of this horror. Many of these trials were 
instigated by the children themselves, because if their 
"own sins" were less evident than in others, they were 
more apt to stay out of trouble.
Today I question many things that happened in the 
treatment of children. Wasn't the "impurity" put into the 
children by the grown-ups, partly through aiming 
harassing questions at them during talks? I remember 
one instance in particular. 
Else and I wanted to break though the 
"enlightenment [regarding boy-girl differences] behind 
hedges and fences." When the new dining room was 
being built in Isla, Elizabeth was 4 - 5 years old. I don't 
remember what she asked me, but my answer was, "Oh 
that was before your mother carried you under her 
heart." 
Balz was standing nearby and heard this. He took me 
aside. "One shouldn't burden children too early with this 
problem," he said. "A girl can go into marriage without 
knowing the facts of life." Elizabeth told me later that 
when her other siblings were "in difficulties," she never 
had any troubles "because they knew" (because I had 
spoken with her and Hans-Jacob). Anyway, I never 
intended to explain the facts of life to the child, but only 
to explain "that happened a long time ago." That the 
child might inquire where he or she came from was 
secondary. It was probably a better statement than what 
Balz's wife later told a 13-year-old girl when explaining 
the facts of life, namely, that an angel would tell the 
woman when she would have a child! The fairy tale of 
the stork as an angel! I would have thought the ruling 
personage more intelligent and experienced, or I would 
not have asked for this talk. Or was it perhaps that the 
ruling personages experienced or saw creation as dirty? 
When Hans-Jacob was in the First Grade, Hans-
Herman Arnold came to me and said that I should give 
him a good beating, because he, H.H.A., and Franzi could 
not cope with him. I did that, and Hans-Jacob has never 
forgotten this. Of course the teachers didn't only pass out 
corporal punishment or give better marks to their 
favorites. I clearly remember Georg Barth and H.H.A. 
wanted to put me in exclusion because I proposed a one-
language school so that we didn't end up with illiterates 
in three languages. I wanted to "drag down the quality 
of education!" But E. B. had told me that only 1/3 of the 
children were able to cope [with multi-lingual classes].
I don't want to denigrate the work of all teachers. 
When Hans-Jacob was 20 and attended the trade college, 
the teacher took time and successfully advanced him. 
The same for Herbert (Nath). Both took their journeymen 
exams successfully, and Elizabeth as a nurse. After 1964, 
Gottfried helped us with our house, being an untrained 
workman.
I will probably not write a comprehensive report 
about all these times. Since starting it, I have not been 
able to sleep properly at night. But I will continue with a 
compilation of my "slogans." They will show you that 
there's much more than these "points" to be talked 
about. 
A) When viewing the critical times, one can see that 
Eberhard Arnold originally thought of starting a 
"suburban settlement," but then perhaps because of 
Emmy, who during these times of poverty (1920-23) 
thought that village life might provide a better way of 
life, followed the example of the Habertshof group. 1922 
saw the first crisis. As we know, the idea of community 
of goods existed in many hearts, which resulted in a 
"palace revolution" while Eberhard and Emmy were in 
Holland, which brought them back to Sannerz quickly. 
Otto Herpel, Heinrich Schurtheis, Otto Salomon (whose 
many songs are probably still sung on the 'hofe) and 
many more (30 or 40 people it has been said) 
independently seeking and thinking people lived in 
Sannerz at that time. Many of those who left during this 
first crisis went to Max and Maria Zink, later Emil Blum 
and wife, to the Habertshof, together with the debt-
laden publishing house, or at least remained religious 
socialists. 
Sometimes the question poses itself: "Were the four 
von Hollander sisters (Emmy, Moni, Else, Olga) and the 
two young teachers (Trudi, Hugga) really only moved by 
the Holy Spirit when they placed themselves around the 
not-even-forty-year-old Eberhard?"
B) Again a question: In 1926, was there really, after 
the "fall" in Sannerz, no one sufficiently spiritually gifted 
so that Eberhard Arnold had to retain the leadership? 
Today, the witnesses are no longer alive. Did Eberhard 
Arnold's example become Heini's ideal and thus make 
Eberhard infallible? Dissolutions of brotherhoods, 'hofs, 
came about via the same means that crises were brought 
into being in order to maintain the power of The Family. 
When Primavera became "unprofitable," Herman told me 
a long time before it was sold just how it would be 
divided. Even the Rice Project, which was paid for by 
government subsidies, was not bringing in anything. 
After Eberhard Arnold decided on his own that the 
union with the Hutterites would take place, "Hugga" left 
(see Zuruck Oh Mensch, a booklet describing the early 
Socialist communities), and Olga and Else died of 
tuberculosis. Eberhard loved to recount that the 
Hutterites wanted to see him as Bishop over all, as a 
Peter Ridemann. Was there an official inquiry?
It was probably 1942-43 when Hans Zumpe, after 
the first period of crisis, made the suggestion that all 
Servants of the Word should resign. After a period of 
reflection, there should be new elections. Only Heini did 
not agree, although he wasn't even in the Service, not 
having been confirmed. Every one of us in the 
brotherhood should have accused Heini of a hunger for 
power. I likewise stand to this. Anyway, I had attracted 
attention at this time because of my non-participation in 
the singing at Heini's guava-hut bedside because I 
thought Heini was play-acting at being at death's door, 
(by the way, also Erich Hasenberg). Through this trick, 
Heini got himself up to the top.
1948 was roughly the time that the "thing" with 
Mike Caine occurred, from which Heini later contracted a 
hellish fear of Mike and surrounded himself with 
bodyguards. In the 1950s he invited one Servant of the 
Word after another to Woodcrest and then excluded 
them, a well-tested trick in times of crisis. We were 
stupid enough not to notice that in this way, brotherhood 
decisions were circumvented. Probably the same kind of 
trick, or a similar one, is now being employed with the 
Jake Kleinsasser crisis. 
Union with the Hutterites is, without doubt, the 
work of Eberhard Arnold. Or was there ever a 
brotherhood decision? Was the union sought because of 
the Rhon bruderhof's desperate need for financial help? 
Would a spiritual union have made it possible for 
Eberhard to give up smoking, especially in view of his 
tuberculosis? 
The "Hutterite Question" often put a great strain 
upon everyone. "We can talk it over after the love meal" 
was often promised, but never happened. Questions and 
answers to this are found in Zuruck Oh Mensch.  In1933-
35, Eberhard should have undertaken the journeys to 
the government offices (Berlin, Kassel, etc.) himself. A 
few journeys were made by Hans Meier, who was Swiss 
(and of course Hans Zumpe). What sorrow the circle had 
to carry in this spiritual fight, that even the brothers in 
Waldecke were chased away by members of the family 
[when Eberhard's coffin arrived]! If the Gestapo at this 
juncture had captured members and thrown them into 
concentration camps, who would have had the strength 
to see it all through as, for instance, the aforementioned 
Jehovah's Witnesses?
I have written little about the years 1935-1960 
because there are enough witnesses in KIT. Gestapo on 
the Rhon Bruderhof, Silum [Liechtenstein], Oaksey 
[England] to Paraguay on ten ships across the 
submarine-infested Atlantic. The Avila Star ship was 
sunk after the trip with our last group. Only five 
survived after floating on the ocean for three weeks! 
And crisis, crisis, crisis! The enthronement of Heini, 
exclusions, times of reflections. Visits by Wipf and 
Company, Woodcrest and the "spirit" of Woodcrest, 
Primavera dissolved... 
These were years of struggle, also for the "plain 
brothers." Always a power struggle around the Arnolds, 
recognizable through the oft-mentioned demand to be 
thankful that the Arnolds had taken so much upon 
themselves! Had not the others also fiven 
everything and given up everything??
Everyone noticed that there was a lot of enthusiasm 
in the new beginning in Sinntal, 1960-61. That was why 
the first crisis in March/April, 1961, started -- because 
of a decreasing enthusiasm during singing. Jorg B. called 
his father in Bulstrode every evening and the 
brotherhood waited to see if something was 
happening! Easter, 1961, two of my brothers brought 
the rest of my inheritance, saved by my father for the 
education of his grandchildren, 1/2 to Woodcrest, 1/4 to 
Sinntal and only 1/4 to Primavera. They were, of course, 
not permitted to attend the meeting. My sister-in-law 
took the opportunity to remark that some of us lived 
"more equally" than other. Two weeks later, there was a 
brotherhood meeting because my daughter Emely had 
brought some magazines with her from the guest house 
where she worked. Joseph Nacht, who had been invited 
to the family supper, got annoyed yet again, for the 
second time, about the "poison" that I had not opposed 
[the magazines]. 
My brothers wanted to take each of our children in 
turn into their families so that their children would get 
to know us. Gottfried was the first one, but although I 
had asked for "permission," I had to call him back after 
just about two weeks. In the meantime, the 
brotherhoods dealing with "the poison" had continued. 
After a reprimand in the afternoon brotherhood, I 
was offered a "time of consideration." Else, who was 
quite upset, was advised to go with me. After a collect 
call to my brother Gottfried to see if he had a few weeks' 
work for me, he came in his Isetta. After the warm 
welcome he had received two weeks earlier, he was 
amazed to be treated so coldly and without greetings. 
Only Albert Wegner and Otto Kaiser greeted him. These 
experiences show why there couldn't be any enthusiasm 
on the 'hof. There was a total lack of "order." 
Whether Heini or another engineered the great 
exclusions, I don't know. That the Servant in Woodcrest 
did not want to be part to "this hypocrisy" came as quite 
a surprise to some. And that he had made private 
arrangements for a new commercial beginning was noy 
known to anyone.
Some will ask, "How did you manage to survive the 
28 years?" Lots of people know of the sects and the 
brain-washing, the "absolute obedience" and the 
complete surrender there. That was the same with us. It 
was not only I who had to learn to think anew, which is 
so apparent from many letters to KIT. Some have had to 
have psychological or psychiatric help. Apparently even 
today, many are carrying the damage around with them. 
To my mind, it is good that the children in the Society of 
Brothers today have to attend public schools.
These are only examples. Many things were kept 
secret, which later resulted in crises. If there had not 
been amongst members, and especially the "plain" ones, 
so much love and real, truthful searching for 
rectification, there would not have been community 
again and again, and the life together would not have 
lasted so long.
I am glad that the Bruderhofe, even though 
Annemarie said "We are not a home for the old," have 
found a way to accept some responsibility, especially for 
the older ones. And I am especially happy that the 
"unfair state" [in the outside world] gave me the 
opportunity to enjoy my whole family. That not 
everyone has had this prerogative is one of the facets of 
KIT.
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